Part 1 of 3
Note: This booklet was sent to people who made iquiries with ALARM Network and ANSRS. These were search and support groups I lead for many years. Two years ago it was reformatted so it could be used by any support group and not just the ones I lead. It is presented here in its entirety and not edited for the Web. The sending group asked the recipient to send a donation. Donations are no longer accepted.
The cover artwork is by Pat Barton, a birth-aunt.
This material represents the views of the writer and not necessarily those of the support group you received it from as an organization.
This booklet was written and copyrighted by Ginni D Snodgrass, 1990. All rights Reserved. Revised 1993, 1994, 1996. Tualatin OR 97062-9046
This booklet is fully protected by United States Copyright laws. You may print yourself a copy for personal use, but it may not be printed and distributed in any form, nor may any portion of it be changed in any way.
The goal of the reform movement is to promote truth in adoption and familial relationships.
Preservation of the birth-family and reuniting families separated by adoption and other means.
To protect children born and yet to be born from being commodities.
"EQUAL ACCESS to Records" for all members of the triad: adoptees, birthparents, adoptive parents, and other family members.
The adoption reform movement is dedicated to those affected by adoption through support services, educating the public to the truth in adoption, adoption research and studies, and changing adoption practices and legislation.
I am a reunited adoptee. I was found by my birth-family October 17, 1985. My reunion had such a dramatic impact on my life I knew that things had to change. I began working in the adoption reform movement immediately.
This booklet is meant to be general enough to be used by different support groups as an introduction to the reform movement and support groups. When I use the term "we," I am making a general referral to "us" in the adoption reform movement.
This booklet is heavily weighted with my findings on adoption. Not all of those in the adoption reform movement and support groups believe exactly the same way. Talk to the people in the support group you are interested in about their philosophies and policies.
I am no longer active in the reform movement. After eight years of work I have taken time for myself and returned to school. Good luck in your search, reunion, and reconciliation.
Ginni D Snodgrass
1996
and Support Groups
This booklet is not intended to tell you "how to" search, but things to consider before you begin.
Search is not something that a person goes into lightly. The simplest of searches will have many emotional, time and financial aspects. It is to be hoped that, this booklet will give you sufficient information to begin considering the process you may be about to undertake. This booklet is not meant to dissuade you, but rather prepare you for what is ahead. Actually, we want to encourage you to GO FOR IT! It is your life! It is your business! It is your RIGHT!
Adoption reform is a CIVIL RIGHTS movement. Millions of Americans are denied EQUAL RIGHTS, and it is written into the law.
Nearly all support groups are non-profit volunteer organizations. The founders are usually people who have been directly affected by an adoption. The founders are adoptees, birthparents, adoptive parents, birth-siblings, and others related to people affected by an adoption.
Support groups rely on donations and membership dues to operate. They usually receive no government funding, or grant money. Support groups need your help.
Just what does a support group do?
Support groups spend nearly all of their time in emotional support, search, adoption research, and one-on-one lay counseling. When the legislature is in session they spend some time trying to change the laws.
When a support group is involved in searching they usually teach members how to conduct their own search. It is up to the members to write the letters and go look-up information. Usually search assistance is given by the search assistant assigned to you at general meetings. Membership is usually required for search assistance.
[Note: At the time this booklet was written a new Oregon law was in the process of being implemented to provide for intermediary searches. Ask the support group you are interested in whether they are participating or not.]
Support groups do have some resources for buying services and documents. They can legally get driving records for most states, national surname lists, and other types of data bases. You are expected to pay for these services in advance.
The Reform Movement promotes legal searches and doing things legally. You can search without breaking the law.
Most groups have support group meetings. These groups can be restricted as to who can attend the meetings. Some meetings are open only to adoptees or only to birthparents. Some meetings are combined. These are usually a self-help group. They are not professional counselors. We believe it is an area like so many others, unless you have been there, you cannot begin to understand the feelings. It is a group of your true peers, where you can gather with others in an open atmosphere and discuss your life's situations from the impact of adoption. A place to discuss feelings without fear of criticism.
The impact of adoption has a subconscious effect on us that we are not consciously aware of, or how it has affected our lives. The adoption experience is affecting many areas of our lives. It affects our relationships, careers, health, religion, parenting, values and more. If you are already healthy and happy, you can contribute to others. The goal is to improve the quality of our lives by helping one another.
These meetings come in many different formats, covering many areas of the adoption experience, before and after reunion. These groups are for those who are serious about adoption issues. Not all groups require you to be a member to attend support group meetings. You do not have to be searching. You can participate if you have already had a reunion.
Adoptee and/or Birthparent Emotional Support Group:
Time:_______________________________________
Where:______________________________________
Some groups have We have regular general meetings for those interested in learning more about the group. The general meetings are open to anyone who may have been affected by an adoption including adoptive parents, birth siblings, spouses and others. Usually you do not have to be a member to attend the general meetings.
When:_______________________________________
Time:_______________________________________
Where:______________________________________
Call for space availability & more information on either meeting.
___________________________________________________
Other support group meetings available are for adoptive parents, men only, and other programs, as well as meetings for the triad's significant others.
Support groups are an informal referral network, providing people with information as to where to find the resources necessary to meet their needs. They receive calls for search assistance, women with an untimely pregnancy, and calls or letters from people wanting to adopt. They also have calls from people needing information about adoption for other reasons. They have been involved in student projects, in depth thesis on adoption, term papers and speeches.
Support groups want to be of assistance. At any one time they have many active cases. Please remember that the people responding to calls are volunteers and have many things to do. Also realize that most support group phones are in peoples' homes. Unless asked otherwise NEVER call after 8:00 pm any day, or call on the Sabbath or holidays. If it is an urgent situation you can bend those restrictions, but remember you are calling people's homes and they cannot turn off their only phone. Also remember time zones when calling another area of the country.
The reform movement has been responsible for having legislation introduced all over the United States, and the rest of the world, for "EQUAL ACCESS to Records."
The opposition (adoption agencies and adoptive parents) were there in force. The bills have not gotten out of committee. Just having a bill introduced, and then having hearings is a huge step towards our goal. We will keep coming back.
Many states have now passed laws instituting intermediary systems. These laws are a step backwards not forwards. This is a trick the opposition uses to keep control over our lives.
In 1993 Oregon passed an intermediary law, as many states have.
Until 1990 Alabama had adoptee access to the original birth certificate. Now it is closed.
There is legislation working in other states, some good, a lot bad!
It needs to be noted that our opposition is primarily the adoption agencies, and adoptive parents. Their organization the NCFA (National Committee For Adoption) is well financed. The NCFA was formed as a counter measure to the American Adoption Congress's growing strength in the late 70's early 80's.
The other reason we have not been successful in our legislative attempts is that those affected do not show-up at our state capitols and tell the legislators the truth of adoption. Adoptees and birthparents spend too much time sitting around and complaining amongst ourselves, and not to the people who can effect a change.
READ -- it is quite possible that almost everything you have been told about the adoption experience is not true. That may seem a strange statement as you have lived it, but it is so. Society is full of myths about adoption. A beginner's book list is included.
The system of adoption, as practiced in the last 50 years, is a cruel and inhumane process to all involved. The closed/secret adoption most of us have come to know is not the way it has always been. The secrecy is a new experiment of the "Clean Break" theory by social workers. Until about 50 years ago adoptions were practiced openly. There are only a few industrialized western civilizations that have secrecy in adoption, most do not.
The original birth certificate was amended to protect the adoptee from the stigma of illegitimacy. The records were not sealed to protect the birthmother, as it is assumed.
The secrecy involved in adoption is destructive, most especially, to the one it was supposedly designed to assist, the adoptee. "Equal Access" to records is only one small part of the reform necessary in adoption. If people really understood what adoption practices were, they would be appalled.
Secrecy builds obstacles to forming a healthy identity. Sealed records demand an extreme form of denial. There is no school of psychotherapy which regards denial as a positive way to form a sense of self and dealing with day-to-day situations.
"The Primal Wound" is the most recent and revealing work done on the affects of adoption on the adopted. In the author's own words, "I believe that the connection established during the nine months in utero is a profound connection, and it is my hypothesis that the severing of that connection in the original separation of the adopted child from the birth mother causes a primal or narcissistic wound, which affects the adoptee's sense of Self and often manifests in a sense of loss, basic mistrust, anxiety and depression, emotional and/or behavioral problems, and difficulties in relationships with significant others."
This hypothesis is now a book titled "The Primal Wound Understanding the Adopted Child" by Nancy Newton Verrier 1993. (Ordering information is included in the book list.) Again, in the author's words, "The only people who can really judge this work, however, are those about whom it is written: the adoptees themselves. Only they, as they note their responses to what is written here, will really know in their deepest selves the validity of this work, the existence or nonexistence of the primal wound."
There are vulnerabilities shared by all adoptees. In those most vulnerable, distinct patterns can be seen. Some have labeled this the "Adopted Child Syndrome."
I have not given resources for the above statistics because they are a compilation of hundreds of resources. These statements are not exaggerations, quotes taken out of context, or misuse of facts. You will find them in the reading.
Adoption must be reformed. It must become less cruel and more humane.
Search is an emotional experience. A search has many emotional highs and lows, wins and losses. The frustrations can be overwhelming. You will need support. Someone you can call and vent frustrations, someone who knows the feelings.
As necessary as the reform movement believes reunions are, we acknowledge that they can be traumatic. We know that the reunions which have the most difficulty are the ones where a support group was not involved. So, we all but require you to go to support group meetings.
As the searcher you are taking on extra responsibilities. You are responsible for learning of the other parties' circumstances and act accordingly.
The reform movement talks a great deal about your rights, and the fact that you have a human right to know the truth of your adoption experience and to meet people to whom you are related. As with any right you accept responsibility. Just because people have the right to own a gun, that does not give them the right to shoot someone. You have the right to the truth, but you also have the responsibility to act with discretion and compassion.
Nothing in life can prepare you for what you are about to begin. There is no similar situation to learn from. This is an all new experience and only those who have been there before can help you to understand what is about to happen in your life.
Participating in a group will give you the opportunity to meet other members of the triad. If you are an adoptee you will meet birthmothers and hear first hand what she feels concerning her child. You will learn how it has affected her life. More than likely, you will hear how she was forced into surrendering her baby. You will hear how she never stopped thinking of her baby, how very much she LOVED her baby. You will learn how badly she WANTED her baby. What it was like to live with a secret never to be discussed.
Birthparents -- you will hear how adoptees love their adoptive parents, but sometimes felt as if they did not really belong. You will hear what it is like for them to live their life without knowing what nationality they are. Not being able to look at someone else who looks like you. Worrying about unknown diseases in their genes and fear of passing those unknown diseases onto their children. What it is like to live with a taboo in the house, never to be thoroughly discussed. And yes, you will hear stories of abuse by adoptive parents.
Ginni D Snodgrass
©Copyright 1990-1996
All rights reserved.
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